Insert bullet

I call a guy down with AK-high for 100BB. He shows turned flush, lolz. I pick up AA, he minraises flop, with TPNK, makes 2pair on the turn. Obviously I have reads to be calling off 2 buyins with Ace-high and one pair. Reads come from all the hands where he's bet the whole way with no pair, no draw to river a king with K2s against someones TP. Or the original hand against me when I raised T8s and flopped the nuts on a 976r flop, turn 6. He puts me all-in on the river with K5s. No pair, no draw.

So fuck poker, seriously. Yeah, AK-high was probably awful. Probably should have waited for a pair. AA was blah. Without reads I might fold that turn. Against this fucktard, might as well call.

I hate myself, I hate poker, and I want to die.

Speaking of which, fucktard is pissing me off. I know firearms are hard to obtain, and likely expensive but I really want a shotgun. Paying £500 for one is exorbitant but whatever. Guarenteed painless death is worth it.

The alternative is a ten foot falling height drop with a noose. Pretty difficult to set up, though. No bridges around here so it would have to be a tree. Unfortunately most of the trees around here are conifers. Why is everything so hard?

Poison sucks, and I don't see any other good methods.

Maybe I shouldn't stack off so easy if it's going to put me on a life tilt?

I'm still at ridiculously low VPIP/PFR even raising junky shit OTB. Very low WSD, low W@SD. I hate, hate life/poker.