It totally is!

-$1 a hand is totally sustainable at 100NL. In fact, I think you could do even better if the site would let you flop more sets. Unfortunately, it's rigged, so you can only flop sets occasionally. BUT the good news is, when you do...it's an instant -$100! Losing has never been so much fun!!!

Ahem. Yes. Two sets, -2 buyins. One set over set (where I c/r all-in on KQ4r...terrible play, I guess, kind of irrelevant as I'm going broke regardless). One two outer (two outs twice = 100% equity). -1 buyin...misc. Including: a) JJ Td9d4x getting c/r huge by a nitty guy. I feel that was a fine fold. b) A9s flops TPMK, turns FD, blanks river...55% WSD guy bets half pot. WTFFFFF. & c) 45s AsJs9h check/call. 8h, check...I 2 barrel because that always works out so well...call. Qh on the river. CHECK...Well, I admit I missed the runner-runner 4 card straight, but I saw the heart & the queen, and I thought the board looked like it might have hit my nitty range quite hard...3rd barrel! CALL. JTo is teh good. d) AKs OTB, 3 handed, 20/17 TAG 3bets me from the SB, I...don't want to lose another buyin & call. Flop is QTxr, he bets ridiculously small. I call...thinking I have 4...7...or maybe even 10 outs, plus if he checks I will bet any turn. Turn is a 7 of crap, he bets half pot again....SHALL I FUCKING PUSH? INTO QQQ? WELL WHY...okay, no. e) Nothing hand. A2 in BB, SB limps. Ac6h7h, check/check. 2c, bet...I raise! SB calls. Jc on the river, 3/4 PSB...FUCKSAKE, did your FD get there or did you miss? Do you have 72/62/67? OH WELLS, BLIND BATTLE, I CALLS. T5cc, NH!

Sum: Fuck poker. Fuck full tilt (nah, losing multiple buyins w/ 33 & 22 to two outers is totally standard. That happens to everyone on every site. Yeah.). When was the last time I sucked out 2 outs? Oh, that's right, I DON'T DRAW THAT THIN EVERY FUCKING TIME. For the rest of the session (which I cut short) I was shouting "LET'S FLOP A SET, LET'S LOSE A BUYIN!" every time I had a pair. I think that's called tilt.

I mean, it's incredibly...incredibly easy to lose money playing poker. Winning is hard as fuck, then you run like a special Olympian and it's hard to tell. Hmm, am I playing terribly? Is this standard? WTH is going on?

You know what? Yesterday I was keen to do this. Now it's totally irrelevant to me. I mean, sure, if I was grinding...and running at even 3BB; marginally beating the rake. Fine, it's in my interest as well as FTP's. But clearly it's not in my interest. I'm not beating the games so clearly in my interest for FTP to go busto before I do. I wish them the same good luck that they've shown me. By rights that should mean they'll be sucking on shotguns shortly.

IDK, obviously I'm slightly tilty right now but it's honestly not worth it for me to try and ensure online poker stays around if it only means losing more. Leave it to the winning fuckers to protect it, I need to invest my money in getting better. And, honestly, I AM. I really don't play terribly, certainly not enough to justify -50BB. I mean that kind of loserate should be reserved for complete retards stacking off with bottom pair OR no pair, no draw. Not semi-nits who go broke with bottomset (over...and over...and over again).

I can only try my best...fix leaks...but if I can't get past this always losing with bottom/mid set, then there is just no way I can ever win (except to fold bottom/mid set every time).