Headspace

Ali Larter reminds me of Deborah Unger (The Game, Crash) only with a younger, tighter body, obviously. Something about the boxish face.

Anyway, I made some enquires and I am waiting on prices for a 'euthanasia device'. Whether or not I buy it is another matter. I will check and evaluate at the end of the month. In truth, I don't have a lot to live for. IF I can break out of this rut of underachiving through poker then MAYBE the rest of my life will be 'worth it'.

And this is not, oh, wah, I'm so poor. Yes, I'm poor, always have been through my parents (especially my mother's) terrible life choices...and now my own. I accept this, what's past is past. My problem is not that I'm poor. I have problems that being richer will allow me to solve. However, being richer will not solve everything it's just the first step.

Anyway, my work sucks. Paywise it's pathetic and the environment is intolerable. I need to get out of there, one way or the other. To do so...I need to clear ~$4k. At 4PTBB/100 that's 25k hands. At 0.4PTBB that's 250K hands.

Or I can just kill myself.

I'm not being a drama queen here. If I can't make 4PTBB/100, if I continue to make -EV mistakes then my life will not get better. And if my life does not get better I will end it. Ticking along, catching occassional enjoyment in a good book, or film, or tv series is not 'life'. Enjoying other peoples stories is not living.